Tuesday, January 15, 2008

reconciliation.

after nearly a year and a half, i finally received the answer i have been wanting. it was just before my father's funeral. i was sitting alone in the front of the sanctuary, watching the slideshow of pictures we had made, listening to the piano music, and taking some time to myself. when finally, as i sat there with tears welling up in my eyes, the answer fell so clearly it was as if the answer had always been there. i just needed the scales to fall off in order to see it.

i went through the ordeal i went through so that i would have more "street cred" with the goths and satanic metal-heads i have been sent to. i now have a tale of "church-rejection" on par, and in most cases, surpassing anything they have been through. i mean, an honest to goodness special congregational meeting called just to make everyone aware that i am dangerous and not to be associated with? you can't buy that kind of press! and after sharing that story, these young folks are far more willing to talk about their rejection and their true feelings about god and their life in him.

once all of this snapped into focus, which actually took about 2 seconds in real time, i finally felt my heart unlock with forgiveness. although i still have questions as to why god would close these brothers' ears and eyes to what he is doing in and through me, i will not get the answer to those questions. i am simply grateful he gave me the answer he did.

the next day, just before he left, trent walked into the kitchen where i was alone and said nothing. he simply gave me a hug and i felt the spiritual slate being wiped clean inside of me. i do not know if he felt the same thing, because we didn't speak, yet i am glad and thankful it finally happened all the same.

8 comments:

Valorosa said...

Wow !! I've known this for a long time ... I thought you did too.

LOL isn't that somethin'

jON said...

shit, girlfriend. help a nigga out next time. smiley face of your choosing here...

One Voice of Many said...

OMG..can you say that?! lol

You two crack me up.

Jon -- I'm thankful that you've found reason behind your experience. Maybe the quip "God works all things.... " might be appropriate? That one usually makes me want to spit but ... I can't always mock. Or can I?

Michelle

Tessa said...

i love you

Tessa said...

i love you

Susan said...

So glad for you, Jon.

Nate said...

Finally, through the fire at last. My God I thought it was going to last forever. Call me and I will explain.

Paul said...

Wow. Been there. Needed to hear this. Thanks.