it seems to be coming a little early this year. but the winds are shifting and the earth is waking up again. time to polish the oars, hoist the jib, and weigh anchor. time for the dawn treader to sail again and have many more summer adventures. who knows what it will bring this time? more people, more parties, more laughter, more tears, more sharing, more connections, more intimacy, more curiosity, more wonder... and a new child to join us in the adventure!!
so, a haitus of sorts. if i feel lead to share over the next few months, i will.
be well. be blessed. be encouraged. be joyful.
i am excited to get on board and see where this rushing wind will take us.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
but when we talk about pre-formed inner people, as i believe we have gotten in this discussion, it brings back a whole host of former questions about determinism and predestination and free will. and a scripture is brought back to mind:
Rom 9:18-20 "So then He has mercy on whom He desires, and He hardens whom He desires. You will say to me then, 'Why does He still find fault? For who resists His will?' On the contrary, who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, 'Why did you make me like this,' will it?"
yet then, while contemplating this, i was beckoned to look one verse more.
Rom 9:21 "Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use?"
and it came across my mind as i contemplated this that perhaps i try too hard to think in terms of the universal. in absolutes. that everyone has a common experience when it comes to god. or perhaps there is some ideal that, if lived correctly, will produce a common experience that everyone should seek to relive. but what if everyone's experiences are different? what if our experience of god is completely unique in its scope and style? because according to verse 21, god makes some vessels for honorable use and some for common use. so everyone is not created equal it would seem. which brings me back to questions two:
do we run amiss by thinking that we are to strive to accomplish the things god asked of the apostles instead of knowing who we are and what god would ask of us, in our moment, as unique individuals?
none of us (i assume) feels too guilty for not spending your life building a big boat made of gopher wood and scouring ebay for the rarest of animals that we might have two. why? because we understand that is something god asked of noah and he is not asking that of us. but yet how strange it is that we feel compelled to think that we are to fulfill tasks asked of people one-thousand nine-hundred and sixty-seven years ago. with jesus and the apostles. role models? yes. keepers and purveyors of truth? absolutely. dictators of life's goals and choices by imitation of their goals and choices? hmmm.
one more ridiculous example to pound this in your brain. i'm not too sure many of us strive to lay naked on our sides for a year and lay seige to a model of our city just because ezekiel did. he only did it because it was what god asked of him. just the same as the apostles did what god asked of them. but do we fall short by not listening to the spirit ourselves and instead constantly search out the experiences of these obedient men as being the measuring stick of obeying god? because if i'm at least doing what paul was doing then i'm obeying god, right?
perhaps god wants you to do something else...
a great example of this is a friend of mine and a situation she was in a few years back. she took a year off from school at an orphanage in mexico and loved it. she didn't want to leave. she fit in and loved the work and loved the kids and it came so naturally. but after her year away, god asked her to come home and she knew it. she knew it was him. now, anyone looking from the outside would have thought that a woman who has sacrificed her life in her home country to pour her life out into helping mexican street orphans have a home would say that she is one of the true few saints the world has. but it wouldn't have pleased god one bit. because it would have been disobedience for her to stay.
so i guess the sub-question that's really going on in my mind is this:
can it be a mistake for all of us collectively to think that accomplishing the tasks and goals of, as well as employing the methods given to, the apostles might make us miss what it is the spirit wants to ask each of us as individuals? to accomplish unique goals, in our unique circumstances into which we have all been placed?
at 2:55 AM
Sunday, March 11, 2007
this was a thought that hit me a couple of months ago but i have held it in. yet, it has not gone away. "in my heart it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; and I am weary of holding it in..." so here it is.
thank god for judas. thank god that there was a man who was exactly who judas was at exactly the time that he was needed in order to fulfill what needed to be fulfilled. and i wonder...was that who judas was created to be? did judas fulfill the portion for his life in accomplishing all the grand designs of the father? because it would seem to me that we all are unique beings in ourselves. a unique mix of thoughts, ideals, philosophies, and actions. how many of these things can we change or shape on our own? and how many of these things are innate to our being? placed within us by a being far greater than ourselves who has a bigger picture in hand. so this raises two questions for me.
1)were people who we commonly villify needful for the task at hand to accomplish something specific on the scale of human history?
2)do we run amiss by thinking that we are to strive to accomplish the things god asked of the apostles instead of knowing who we are and what god would ask of us as unique individuals?
the villians - it seems interesting the results of some of histories worst villians. judas is just one example. what about saul of tarsus? he was zealous for god. to the point of going about, house to house, and finding, arresting, and even handing over to death those who belonged to the cult of people who were into jesus and his message. as a result, these people who were comfortable at home scattered to the four winds, bringing the kingdom with them and spreading it further into the world. interesting that paul was there in the beginning and actually willing to obey god and stand up for god enough to give birth to the persecutions that would begin 'missions'. and that as soon as this was accomplished, paul's eyes were 'opened' and he then had to bear the brunt of the persecutions that he himself started. but this thing was needful. thank god that paul was a blind and hardened asshole right when he needed to be for the good of all mankind. i believe that through the whole thing he was doing what was in his heart for him to do.
and what about everyone's favorite scapegoat and villian? adolf hitler. was this man accomplishing the things that were put in his heart to do? was he who he was supposed to be? because at the end of the day, it is doubtful that the jews would have been allowed back into israel in such extreme numbers if he wasn't the twisted murderous freak that he was. but he accomplished what was needful. to bring the jews back home, as promised. and also bringing about the current stage of events, that also is needful. we may not like it, but it has happened all the same, and we can't deny that. so, in doing such horrible things, with the end results being what they were, the question that still sticks out in my mind is this... were these people being obedient in doing these things?
let's save question two for next time...
at 1:51 AM
Friday, March 02, 2007
so i'm standing there. probably accomplishing my job more fully and completely than any other person in the company at the moment when my phone rang. '...sorry that i have to be the one to tell ya this...they've decided to eliminate your position...' and my first reaction was shock. then, i didn't feel much at all. and now... i'm just downright excited. it puts me in the best position possible. now that everyone has had just a small taste of my gifts, things couldn't look better if you scripted it. not chronos. but kairos. the moment. the precipice. staring right over the edge and it is gorgeous. and this time i'm gonna jump with all my might. something in my heart is telling me it's time to fly...
and i think a church might have started in a bar. i'm not 100% positive on that yet, but it's looking that way. pray about it, will you?
oh! i am starting a petition for an update on zaavanco complete with stories and pictures. will you help me in this movement? will you join in the cry?
I WANT A ZAAVANCO UPDATE!!!!!!!!
at 2:07 AM